CBOTD : 14th November 2005

Anyone who quotes the entire lyric of a Star Trek theme song is a first class wanker right off. But it gets better (or worse, if you don't like wankers), because she feels compelled to analyse the song. It isn't enough that she likes Star Trek, but then needs to explain to the rest of the uncaring world why it is a song that "gives me hope" (BARF).

You know, I considered dousing my head in a vat of hydrochloric acid at this point, but I wanted to see if there were any redeeming features.

Jesus Fucking Christ, I was wrong.

There is nothing redeeming about this 'featured' blog. I can't even use it as toilet paper, and I sure ain't about to print it out to use it as such.

I've just noticed something....

disturbing.

I've been sick the last couple of days, and I have had more sleep in those couple of days than I have managed to get in the last 2 weeks.

Why is this?

CBOTD : 28th June 2005

All I can say about this blog is...

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? Did the owner have a seizure? Nothing else could explain the decision to have the smallest font size for the main text.

As for the rest of the 'theme', it's not 'chaotic'. It's crap, pure and simple. The sooner that this person realises this, the better off the rest of the world will be.

One (slightly) redeeming feature: they hate the OC as much as I do. But that's not enough to pull this particular piece of lint from the pits of the bellybutton that is human existance.

Oprah, the Pariah

When Oprah Winfrey (and taggers on) decide to do a bit of shopping, they do it in Paris. Good for them.

They arrive at a store, and go to enter. Good for them.

The store is closed. Bad for them.

Actually, bad for the store, because now the whiny bitch has decided to make it a public issue and blame the store for not opening for her.

Here's a step plan for you Oprah, to avoid this happening again:

1. Buy a watch.
2. Make sure that the time on the watch matches the local time.
3. When you turn up to a store, look at the times it is open.
4. Check your watch. If you are late, then that's your own fault, hag.

My hatred is not as heated for Oprah as some others are.

What is with the O.C?

Oh, that's right, it's a Spelling drama.

Same places, recycled 90210 storylines.

Hey.

I want to know what is with the compulsion of people to get up early on a Saturday? It's meant to be a weekend, assholes. This means that you can sleep in, making up for those days (during the week) that you have to be up to go to work.

If I get woken up again by some wanker using a jackhammer in a spot of home redecoration at 9am in the morning, he'll be having that same jackhammer removed surgically from his arsehole on an operating table in hospital. And I'll be taking lots of pictures, printing them off, and dropping them off into everyone's letterboxes in the neighbourhood.

I'm sick of it, I tell you. SICK OF IT.

Tired and I want to go to sleep.

Just finished lunch, back at work, and am fighting my body to stay awake.

Why can't Australia have siestas incorporated into the daily routine? I'd be happy to do it, as I would be more refreshed. The Spanish and Mexicans must be on to something here.

CBOTD : 14th March 2005

Do I have a treat for you!

Actually, I lied. No-one could call this a treat. In one way it is. If you read it for more than 10 seconds, then the corrosive powers of the git's writing will remove the front part of your brain. In effect, it's a free lobotomy. Smashing your head with a sledgehammer fifteen times would have the same effects.

Not that some people don't deserve a free lobotomy; be my guest and read it.

But for those of you without my constitution, then I'll break it down for you.

The Crib (a dead giveaway already?) is a blog by an overweight white teenage boy in bumfuck America. He has to start each post with either:

• Whassup
• What's up, my bloggers
• Hey guys

And the ending of most posts is a variation of "Keep it real homies".

One of my pet hates is a white boy acting black - a wigger. Yes, those pathetic souls who believe that they were born in the wrong coloured skin. And if this isn't enough evidence, then the fact that he loves football (soccer for the uninitiated). There is nothing wrong with liking football, but the combination of a wigger who likes football is something that I never thought possible. Does he get the shit kicked out of him by his wigger posse? Do the black guys take pity on him for this?

Mate, get off the drugs. Seriously.

Oh, sorry - no drugs, because he is a Christian homeboy football lover. Who feels the need to apologise for writing too much. If only I could get a written apology for stumbling on this pap!

Looking out of the window

I can see many things when I look out of the window.


Mostly smog.

Some birds brave enough (or stupid enough) to fly into the smog. Funny how they then fall out of the sky not long afterwards.

Buildings, skyscrapers, trees.

And people.

Lots and lots of people.

Walking, sitting, jumping, standing, talking, eating. Doing stuff.

What is it about the sun that people want to go outside, then sit under the shade of a tree to keep away from the sun's rays? Why bother going outside in the first place? It's not like there is a breeze outside that makes sitting in the shade enjoyable.

That's why winter is the best time of year.